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Three kisses: the Belgian and Dutch greeting

The third Belgian kiss confuses the Parisians, who are used to two.

Category : TouchSubcategory : salutations-tactilesConfidence level : 3/5 (documented hypothesis)Identifier : e0160

Meaning

Target direction : Trois bises: the standard friendly greeting in French-speaking Belgium and the Netherlands.

Interpreted meaning : For northern Frenchmen used to two kisses, the third one creates surprise and good-natured laughter.

Geography of misunderstanding

1. The gesture and its meaning

In French-speaking Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg, three kisses are the standard tactile greeting between friends, colleagues and acquaintances. The gesture begins right (cheek to cheek), then left, then right again. Each touch symbolises benevolent affection. Unlike the formal handshake, three kisses mark established relational closeness. In Flanders, the practice is often reserved for women or mixed-gender interactions; between men, a handshake is more common.

2. Geography of misunderstanding

Misunderstandings mainly arise when Belgians or Dutch meet Parisians accustomed to two kisses. The Frenchman initiates two; the Belgian continues to a third. A moment of comic confusion follows. The dynamic is never offensive but creates a momentary break in social fluency.

3. Historical background

The three-kiss practice in Belgium is ancient, probably medieval. In the Netherlands, three kisses arrived in the 1980s from Belgium and France (DutchReview 2019). The French-speaking Belgium (3) vs northern France (2) distinction is a durable identity marker. Within Belgium: Wallonia 3 kisses; Flanders sometimes 1 depending on familiarity.

4. Regional variants and specifics

Key variation: Belgium (long-established three kisses) vs Netherlands (three kisses generalised since the 1980s, now standard especially for birthdays). Dutch royalty gives two kisses — like Parisian elites — creating an internal social variation. COVID-19 (2020) interrupted the practice and sparked debate about its survival.

5. Practical recommendations

Observe before acting: note whether the group initiates two or three contacts. Follow the local norm. If doubt arises mid-greeting, politely complete the current gesture without comment. Alternatives: simple handshake (very formal), eye contact and smile if tactile contact uncomfortable. Ask for light clarification before a formal meeting if necessary. Do not impose the Parisian two-kiss norm.

Historical origins

Belgian-Dutch three-kiss practice: Belgian origin (Wallonia, Flanders) is ancient, probably medieval. In the Netherlands, the practice arrived in the 1980s from Belgium and France (DutchReview 2019). Before that, the Dutch norm was one kiss or a handshake. French-speaking Belgium (3 kisses) vs northern France (2 kisses) = durable identity marker despite geographical proximity.

Practical recommendations

Neutral alternatives

• Simple, formal handshake (very formal contexts)
• Good eye contact with a smile, without touching
• Hello" verbal greeting alone with respectful distance
• Respectful nod of the head if tactile contact uncomfortable

Sources