01Two distinct gestures, which this entry distinguishes
The initial stub conflated two Indonesian gestures of deference. The first, an everyday one, is the salim (a colloquial term; documented form: cium tangan, "hand-kissing"): the junior takes the hand of the elder -- parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, teachers -- and brings it to their own forehead, nose or cheek; in modern practice, "the lips do not actually touch the hand," the Indonesian encyclopedia specifies, and one rather brings the back of the elder's hand "toward one's own forehead." It is the gesture schoolchildren perform every morning. The second, a ritual one, is the sungkem (Javanese; the reference dictionary KBBI defines it as "sujud (tanda bakti dan hormat)" -- prostration, a mark of devotion and respect): the elder is seated, higher; the junior kneels or sits low before them, bows toward their knees, often taking their hands to bring them to the forehead. It is reserved for solemn moments: the end of the fast (Idulfitri/Lebaran, when forgiveness is asked), the sungkeman ceremony at Javanese weddings (homage, request for forgiveness and for blessing -- restu -- from the parents), the homage to parents before a major departure.
02Where it goes wrong
To a Westerner, seeing an adult kneel and bring another person's hand to their forehead evokes servility, even submission from another age; receiving a salim from an unknown child is disconcerting. The intention is the opposite: a voluntary act of filial piety and respect, honoring both the one who receives it and the one who gives it -- curtly refusing the hand, or joking about it, humiliates. The debate within Indonesian Islam is real but nuanced, and cannot be reduced to "accusations of idolatry": the tradition reported by Imam al-Nawawi admits hand-kissing motivated by piety, learning or age; the Muhammadiyah qualifies the sungkem as mubah (permitted) as long as it expresses respect without worship or belief in a supernatural power of the parents; Salafi currents draw the line at a gesture that would resemble ritual sujud -- deep bowing (rukuk) and prostration (sujud) are owed to Allah alone. In 2020, it was public health that suspended the gesture: the government's anti-Covid school protocol (10 March 2020) instructs to "avoid direct physical contact (handshake, hand-kissing, hugging...)."
03Historical genesis
The stub's genealogy ("Confucianism inherited via China and Vietnam," "kisah-kishan") was fabricated: "kisah-kishan" does not exist, and no source ties these gestures to Confucianism. The documented filiation is Javanese and Indo-Islamic: the sembah (joined palms) of the Javanese courts rests on the Indian añjali mudrā, and the etiquette of the kratons of Yogyakarta and Surakarta prescribes its use; the "sembah sungkem" there designates precisely the deep bow, hands at the lap or knee of the revered person (Wikipedia "Sembah"). Onto this foundation was grafted the Muslim adab of respect for parents and teachers, of which hand-kissing is a pan-Islamic expression (Turkey, Malaysia, Brunei...). The Lebaran sungkeman is reputed -- the source itself hedges ("diyakini") -- to go back to Mangkunegara I (Pangeran Sambernyawa, reigned 1757-1795), who gathered dignitaries and soldiers after the Idulfitri prayer for mutual forgiveness (Indonesian press, the journal Al-Kamal). No attestation, by contrast, supports a "sungkem quasi-obligatory toward the sultans from the 15th to the 18th century" or a "post-1945 state promotion against Westernization": removed.
04Documented incidents
Idulfitri 1930: the Dutch colonial authorities nearly arrested Soekarno and Dr. Radjiman Wedyodiningrat during a sungkeman at the Gedung Habipraya (Singosaren, Surakarta), suspected of being a disguised nationalist meeting; the ruler Pakubuwono, present, replied that it was "not a mobilization action, but the tradition of the sungkeman and of halal bihalal" -- the episode helped anchor the open Lebaran sungkeman (merdeka.com). 26 June 2017: on the second day of Idulfitri, President Joko Widodo returned to Solo to perform sungkem to his mother, Sujiatmi Notomihardjo (detik) -- the presidential sungkem to one's mother is a recurring media ritual. 10 March 2020: the school health protocol suspended salim and handshakes (Kompas). The sungkeman ceremonies of high-profile weddings -- including that of the president's son in December 2022 -- are covered live by the national press.
05Recommendations
Receive a salim gracefully -- especially from a child: extend a relaxed hand, smile; do not withdraw it, do not laugh at it. Do not demand it either: foreigners are not expected to practice it, and the initiative always belongs to the junior. Do not mimic the sungkem outside its ritual setting (weddings, Lebaran): it is a family and ceremonial act, not an everyday greeting. Distinguish the registers: the everyday salim toward elders and teachers; the kneeling ritual sungkem; and for a simple encounter, a gentle handshake, possibly with the hand then brought to the heart. Since 2020, follow local usage on physical contact (contactless salam widespread in epidemic periods). In case of religious or hierarchical doubt, let the other person set the tone.
Geography of misunderstanding
Neutral
- indonesia
Not documented
- malaysia
- brunei
Historical origins
Filiation documentée : sembah javanais fondé sur l'añjali mudrā indien + étiquette des kratons de Yogyakarta/Surakarta (« sembah sungkem ») + adab musulman du respect aux parents (baiser de main panislamique : Turquie, Malaisie, Brunei). Le sungkeman de Lebaran est réputé (« diyakini », hedge de la source) remonter à Mangkunegara I (règne 1757-1795). Généalogie « confucianisme via Chine et Vietnam » et terme « kisah-kishan » du stub : fabrications, retirées.
Documented incidents
- 1930 — Idulfitri 1930 : les Néerlandais manquent d'arrêter Soekarno et Radjiman Wedyodiningrat lors d'un sungkeman au Gedung Habipraya, soupçonné d'être une réunion nationaliste déguisée ; Pakubuwono, présent, répond qu'il s'agit de la tradition du sungkeman et du halal bihalal — épisode fondateur du sungkeman ouvert de Lebaran (jour exact non asserté par les sources). (Merdeka.com (Shani Ramadhan Rasyid), « Berawal dari Kraton Solo, Begini Sejarah Tradisi Sungkeman dalam Budaya Jawa », 14 mai 2021, https://www.merdeka.com/jateng/berawal-dari-kraton-solo-begini-sejarah-tradisi-sungkeman-dalam-budaya-jawa.html)
- 2017 — Le 26 juin 2017, au deuxième jour de l'Idulfitri, le président Joko Widodo rentre à Solo pour faire sungkem à sa mère, Sujiatmi Notomihardjo — rituel filial présidentiel récurrent, largement médiatisé. (Detik.com, « Lebaran Kedua, Jokowi Mudik ke Solo dan Sungkem ke Ibunda », 26 juin 2017, https://news.detik.com/berita/d-3542404/lebaran-kedua-jokowi-mudik-ke-solo-dan-sungkem-ke-ibunda)
- 2020 — Le 10 mars 2020, le protocole anti-Covid pour les établissements scolaires instruit d'« éviter le contact physique direct (bersalaman, cium tangan, berpelukan...) » — suspension sanitaire officielle du salim scolaire. (Kompas.com, « 15 Protokol Penanganan Virus Corona di Area Pendidikan », 10 mars 2020, https://edukasi.kompas.com/read/2020/03/10/17441171/15-protokol-penanganan-virus-corona-di-area-pendidikan-seperti-apa)
Practical recommendations
To do
- Recevoir le salim avec grâce (main détendue, sourire), surtout venant d'un enfant
- Laisser l'initiative au cadet — ne jamais exiger le geste
- Réserver le sungkem à son cadre rituel (Lebaran, mariage javanais)
- Suivre les usages locaux sur le contact physique (salam sans contact depuis 2020)
Avoid
- Ne pas retirer sa main ni rire quand un enfant fait salim
- Ne pas interpréter salim ou sungkem comme de la servilité
- Ne pas confondre les deux gestes ni pratiquer le sungkem comme salutation courante
- Ne pas caricaturer le débat religieux en « accusations d'idolâtrie »
Neutral alternatives
- Poignée de main douce, éventuellement suivie de la main ramenée sur le cœur
- Hochement de tête souriant avec légère inclinaison
- Salam verbal sans contact (répandu depuis la pandémie)